Towards You...

Who do I put on pedestals?
Idolize?
Pretend to be protected by?
Which man in my life would win the medal?

Apparently, it's you!
But I had no clue...
Not until an insatiable need to
Go forward, took me back...
back to that kid I was when
All was right with the world...

When I saw you, there were sparks
That first night
Of course! I saw your eyes a piercing
blue from across the room
But then, you quickly turned me off
Did you know that?
We talked, and I was unenthused

But something held on


You were straight as an arrow
I could tell right away
BORRR-ING! I thought
But you were kind to me
That is all I knew...
And it melted my heart
How did I know that started?
I didn't.

Who do I put on pedestals?
Idolize?
Pretend to be protected by?

The Sam Elliot type.

Rugged. Dark. Rough around the edges
Under shadow of his cowboy hat.
Black hair and mustache with distinguishing
Grey Brass belt buckle
Pointed toed boots
Rides Harley's and horses too
Jack Daniels or Bud? Take your pick
Always drives a truck
Pack of Camels in his pocket

Choose "Main Street" by Bob Sieger,
Or "Desperado" by the Eagles
Two songs quite different, but you've got
The mood
Classic rock...and country
Western vests and shirts
Camping gear, fishing gear
A wicked sense of humor and the curse
Words to boot

Okay, I have just described my dad
My hero from back when all was right
with the world

So here you were... the opposite of all that.
Opposites attract, I suppose
Something was stirred inside, but I really didn't know
To speak plainly, you were not my type
But curiously, a certain "hype" (if you will)
began to fluff up
In my mind
It was the kind of talk that shuns the impossible, and
says "This COULD work!"
WHY???

I was turned off by you, I told you...save those blue eyes
that could see right through me without even trying.
How do you do that? You're so gentle, you wouldn't hurt a fly!
BORR-ING!

But something held on...
You were kind to me
That's all I knew
A soft-spoken gentleman I was unaccustomed
To and this substance was foreign
Maybe I knew I wanted more because the "fluff"
Continued in my head
Shunning the impossible and thinking: "This could work!"
Why??

I was turned off by you, I told you!
Besides, why had you taken an interest in me?
I talk too much and can be cynical

Apparently, you had not! (We were just talking).
But the "hype" in my head disagreed.

So later, I learned, you didn't want me!
Why??
How can this be?? I can reject you, but you CAN'T
Reject me!
Besides, you're so gentle you wouldn't hurt a fly!
How could you do that??
Suddenly, the thought that you had turned me off meant nothing!
You were kind to me, that is all I knew, and it melted my heart
Besides, sometimes the heroes we put on pedestals fall off!
I am cynical and I talk too much

Your substance was foreign to me
You melted my heart you were kind
That is all I knew
So what had turned me on to you and
Created such a battle?
My hero was rough around the edges with
hedges of protection around him

His gentleness somewhere...but hidden...
Under the whiskey maybe?
How did I know?
I just felt I could not let you go!
Your disinterest?
A minor detail!
However foolish that makes me...
There ya go!

But what had been the difference??
I got that from somewhere, but why did it matter?
Because I knew not, how to categorize you!!
You could see right through me, and didn't even know it
What do I do with that??
My hero was easy in comparison!

We...had NOTHING in common! My cynicism would
Ruin your quiet strength, I was convinced!!
Besides, you didn't want me, so it had to be that I was lying
to myself
So I put up fences...that got higher & higher
Only to climb over them and find you again
Get around your obstacles and win!
My HERO had taught me that! So there ya go!
But it could never be

Girls marry their dads' right? Scientific fact!
And you are no Sam Elliot in a cowboy hat! So that's the
end! Forget it!
So a need to move forward, took me back...back to that girl I was
When all was right with the world

Throwback Thursdays and Flashback Fridays were part of my distraction
Another picture from another movie...some character, usually the underdog
of little consequence...who just needed a Superman

Superman? The clean cut, "good guy" who was lovable Clark Kent? Did I mention
Piercing blue eyes??
Okay, that's a movie plot, but one day, the answer stared me square in the face:
All my screen shots were there, and I flipped through them in shock!

Every one had your eyes...a piercing blue, your build, your quietness of
strength...the sweetness of your face...it was YOU!
You were staring at me...several times over... and I thought:
"Oh my God!". I've known you all my life!

These were stars from my past, that I idolized
Their substance I could reach for...but not grasp
It was NOT foreign, but mostly inaccessible to me
But it glimmered if daddy gave me hug or was proud of me
I would taste it on my tongue, with my own tears, because daddy would
Slip into his armor again...to be my hero
Maybe he was just as scared

So, here you are: Everything not right for me, and it could
never work
Really??
I've had one thing in mind: to get away from you, though I
don't want to... because I need to do the right thing
Looks like the joke's on me!
I've been moving toward you my whole life!



--CES (C) 2014.